I am moving to Jacksonville August 24th. Originally, numerous emotions of self-doubt and excitement came up for me, but now, I mostly feel victorious and triumphant. Triumphant For a long time I thought I had to live in New York for an extended period to prove myself. When I told some friends about my decision to move, one jokingly said, “New York was just too much for ya, huh?” I thought hard about that question. Was this city too much for me? That’s when my insecurity popped up but I’ve learned to acknowledge that when it happens. I thought “No, that is not true. I gave my all to New York. I am New York Tough. But I am not New York.” With Covid, I was there for patient #1 and for the last one. I still showed up for my team and my patients. I feel victorious leaving rather than a failure. I can and did make it in NYC. But with every place, there is a time to stay and a time to leave. This is my time to move forward. Resources Battling COVID I learned more than ever before
I started this blog as a platform to show my perspective on COVID and how this monster was suffocating loved ones I fought for. I watched my patients take their last breaths. I would give patients narcotics because gasping for air is painful to the patient. As a caregiver, this event is very difficult to watch. Yesterday, I watched the video of the suffocation of George Floyd. I became sick to my stomach from being so uncomfortable. I wanted to yell at my phone screen, "Who are these monsters, and why did EMTs not start compressions?" My eyes watered and my thoughts raced like "if I were a bystander I would do this, or I would do that." Then after some time, I decided that my thoughts were not true. My thoughts are not true, just like a travel nurse from the South who stated to me last week that "the media makes the race war much bigger than it is." My thoughts are not true in the same way that when I was a little girl waiting in the car and woul