My Purpose

My journey to becoming a nurse was not an easy one. I was a senior at the University of Florida where I felt stuck in a major that I did not like. I remember breaking the news to my stepdad first about dropping out because I was unhappy. Whenever I had to break things to my mom (like dropping out of college, another car accident, or being tipsy underage) I would always go to my Papa Rich first.

Spring of semester year of college, my stepdad was diagnosed with Stage IIIB Pulmonary Lymphoma with a life expectancy of two years.

I remember coming home from college and crying in my mom’s arms questioning how I was going to live my life without him. He was the first man I ever liked. We were both cynical with a rigged sense of humor, but my favorite about my stepdad was that he introduced to me creative conversations. We would start with talking about science and end with naming every movie Tom Hanks was in.

I would spend 4 days home and 3 days back at UF to finish college. My mom was working, so it was me and Papa Rich going to radiation and chemo appointments. Often radiation would hurt his throat so we took many trips for smoothies and shaved ice. Foot elevation due to swelling, Lasix shots, and organization of orange bottles with medication schedules are just some of the things that were introduced into my life. I learned how to advocate for someone. Medical professionals looked at Papa Rich as this tough military man, but inside he was scared. He always kept his sickness at bay for me, but I could tell the thought of leaving this world worried him. 

 My Papa Rich died in an ambulance of a heart attack in the care of medical professionals performing CPR.

This is why being a COVID nurse is so difficult for me.

With every unsuccessful Code Blue, there is a gut punch that is deep and hits differently. I tell you this not for sympathy. I continue to see a therapist and now my grief is more like a small tote bag instead of a heavy trunk. I tell you this because I did not think that cancer would ever take my Papa Rich.

This is why I advocate for staying inside. The one thing I want is for everyone to be safe. I never want you or your loved ones to receive a phone call from a physician that your favorite person was taken by a disease, especially one that could have been avoided like Covid-19.

My stepdad raised me into the fighter I am today. I will keep fighting and advocating for the public. I will protect the public just like he did. I am a strong nurse because of my Papa Rich. This is my purpose -- to attack this virus the best I can because of who my stepdad raised me to be.