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New to New York Tough

This week I wanted to throw the towel in and move home. 
I know some people are fighting for this to end. Protestors are trying to fight for an end, and because of the Constitution, they can rightfully do so. I hope and pray for those fighting that they will never be intubated, that they will never have to suddenly say goodbye to family members through a screen. I know that some are fighting for this to end, to go back to “normal.” But I am fighting, too. 
Every day I go to work and fight for the public. I fight against something I cannot see. I fight for more oxygen, more breath, increase of numbers on a pulse oximetry screen.  
I am exhausted. Mentally, I am running out of stamina, and the protestors are not helping. 

But some people are helping me. 
I get my stamina when I think of the population listening to and following the stay-at-home orders. I receive my energy from the messages from people telling me that they take this seriously while listening to my interviews. With each interview, I have to rehash what I go through. The interviewers always ask what the patient population is like, what a typical day of work is like. Flashes go through my head of walking into patients' rooms and seeing them dead, the crying of the family members,  or the agonizing and painful look of the living. 
I tell my story to change your hearts and thoughts on this virus. Sure, you're not in the epicenter, but it could be you. It could be your spouse, your kids, your parents. 
The support I feel through thoughts, love, good vibes, prayers by name are helping me through this war. Your kind words are filling my mind and helping me. With each phone call, letter, text message, I feel it. Sometimes I do not know how to respond but I feel all the love, and I know that it would be much worse if I were doing this alone. 
New York is helping me with this fight. There are Floridians who message me saying “We wouldn’t blame you if you moved back” or “New York will never pay you back.” 
But I am not done yet. Yes, I wanted to give up this week, but I was reminded that I am a very important piece to this. 
I listen to Governor Cuomo say these words before I start each shift.  Mentally, this is my fight anthem.. 
Governor Cuomo: "We're going to get through it because we are New York and because we've dealt with a lot of things, and because we are smart. You have to be smart to make it in New York. And we are resourceful, and we are showing how resourceful we are. And because we are united, and when you are united, there is nothing you can't do. And because we are New York tough. We are tough. You have to be tough. This place makes you tough, but it makes you tough in a good way."
"We're going to make it because I love New York, and I love New York because New York loves you. New York loves all of you. Black and white and brown and Asian and short and tall and gay and straight. New York loves everyone. That's why I love New York. It always has, it always will. And at the end of the day, my friends, even if it is a long day, and this is a long day, love wins. Always. And it will win again through this virus. Thank you."

So I will keep fighting. I keep fighting for New York because I am new to New York tough. This city has taught me so much about others and myself, and that’s why I am not throwing in the towel until we’ve successfully conquered this virus.

Comments

  1. Hi Kelsey. Thank you so much for your words. SOOOO MUCH. As a "Florida girl" who moved to New York as an adult and stayed there three years, I will say from my perspective New York WILL pay you back. It's New York and it will make you. (That said, obviously I respect whatever decision you make). (As a side note, I sent you an email about potentially appearing on the WBAI show with Sree Sreenivasan. I know you are getting demands from so many corners right now, but you would be very welcome to join us and share your perspective. Feel free to email me (paulakiger@gmail.com) or text 850-556-3517. BIG HUGS.)

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