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Shift #1


I am here to be completely honest. Honest with my thoughts, my feels, my scenery, and most of all my purpose. 
Sunday night I received a message from a coworker that slapped me in the face: "All of our normal patients will be transferred out. All positive COVID-19 patients will be transferred in." 
The governor said for us to quarantine but I still wondered how serious could this be? I heard of it in China. I was warned that COVID was coming. Covid was some "flu-like virus" that my coworkers and I joked about. We giggled at our charge nurse wiping everything down and wearing goggles in January before the virus arrived in NYC. 
Pandemics. We learned about them in epidemiology class. We knew the science behind it. We learned the definitions. But no one can prepare you for living through it. Even if you are not exposed and you're safe in your houses, no one can prepare you for the mental aspects of a pandemic. 

Shift #1
My night coworkers look like zombies. They transferred out a unit and admitted a whole new unit overnight. I come into work and feel the energy of my night shifters excited to see me, excited to go home. There's a difference between a 4am night shifter and a 7am night shifter. there's usually a little spark of energy that can be found with the night shifters at 7am. 
This day was different. 
No one spoke. No giggles or laughs or good mornings. They melted into the couches in the nurses’ station while we discussed our new normal, still out of touch of what our new normal would be like. 
With every room I walked into, there was a glossy eyed patient, dazed with no energy. No energy to talk when I introduced myself as their nurse. No laughs at my morning jokes to keep spirits up. I thought to myself, "This is not just a flu-like illness." Within hour one, I had an instinct that this virus was bigger than me. This would be bigger than anything I've ever experienced. 




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